my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
