She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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