she takes plan B like it's going out of style
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
