thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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