My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
