But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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