Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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