It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
