i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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