oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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