see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
