he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
