NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize