theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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