dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
