I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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