Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
