sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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