420 ftw
I think my fart just growled at me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize