so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
