So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
