I'm going to jail i love you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
