I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
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I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize