Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
