Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
