He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
