i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
