I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
