i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
