It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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