yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
