i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
