I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
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I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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