what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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