Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
