He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
