even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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