I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
