Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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