I'm jealous of your bromance
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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