my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
