We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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