he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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