textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
