just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
