someone owes me an orgasm
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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