I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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