oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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