Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
