I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
