At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
