the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
