My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i drank out of a bidet.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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