guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is Oprah even human
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
