There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
