I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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