Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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