I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
