Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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