thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
