I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
