My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
