Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
