Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
