Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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