I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
