...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
