I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
