went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
