im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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