There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
