So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
