This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
