It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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