I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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