I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
