found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
