wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
