not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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