now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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