My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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