dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My vagina just clenched in fear
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
