I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
