I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
