and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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