and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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