Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
