Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
