I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i out mim tonsoeep
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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