The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
