yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
