I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
