I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
