I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
