Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
