Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
