Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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